‘I said: don’t be upset, my daughter, but what good are you to society?’
Mom bloggers have discussed the issues of instilling a work ethic in children based on Tatar traditions from 1913.
As part of the Jadidfest festival at the National Library of the Republic of Tatarstan, blogging moms discussed Rizaeddin Fahreddin's book “The Well-Mannered Child”, 1913. The future mufti of the Central Spiritual Administration of Muslims of Inner Russia and Siberia wrote it, being the editor of the Shuro magazine, which was published in Orenburg at the expense of the brothers-gold miners Zakir and Shakir Rameyevs. The text of the publication, divided into fragments, was read out by actors and students of the theatre school: Ayrat Shams, Ilzira Aliakberova, Insaf Khalautdinov, Azalia Akhmetova, Aliya Abdrashitova, Rinat Nizamov, Aliya Garifullina.
Get up!
At the meeting, the blogger parents analysed the postulates from the book and discussed how they apply them in practice.
“A well-mannered child wakes up in the morning at the same time as adults. He does not get up either earlier or later than them. Because everyone says that a child who sleeps after the general wake-up time is a good-for-nothing, idle, shameless, and lazy.”
“A well-mannered child has his own towel for his hands and face, a comb for combing his hair, he wipes himself with his towel and combs only with his comb.”
Aygul Timer:
“What I disagree with is that the child gets up at the same time as the parents. Maybe it concerns older children. On weekends, the kids won't wait for me to wake up. It's like my kids get up before me and go about their business. And we have five people in our family — we can't find that many towels!
Chulpan Galiakhmetova:
“Those who study at school — they get up with us, it's a regime, it's a tradition. We do this on weekends, we wake up at the same time.
With just a glance!
“A well-mannered child, if by mistake they do something inappropriate, will understand its wrongness by the look of others, will immediately feel ashamed and blush, and if someone gives them advice, they will not argue or contradict it.”
Aygul Timer:
“I'm not a strict mother, but I don't say much, I don't repeat myself. You can understand me by my look.
Dinara Akhmet:
“Yes, we are such a generation, if we look at you, that's enough.”
Ramzia Galimova:
“I'm the meanest one in our family. We shot a Mother's Day video for Idel. And I asked my daughter to come up with a question. The first one sounded like this: “Moms, what do you do if the children don't obey you?”.
Lilia Galiakhmetova:
“They are more afraid of their father.
Ramzia Galimova:
“You won't hear a word from dad in our family. Our dad is the best person, but mom is the meanest.
Don't listen, don't tell me
“Not all words of adults are worth listening to for children. That's why well-mannered girls don't sit next to their mothers at parties, but they can, having understood their mother's hint, sit on the sidelines or go out to play.”
Ramzia Galimova:
“In childhood, we were raised this way: if adults talk, you can't listen to it. But, apparently, even then I wanted to be a journalist and listened to what was going on there. But the rule is: if you hear it, then don't tell.
Lilia Galiakhmetova:
“We had a hole in the door. Mom opened it and said: get out of here!
Fahreddin's texts were divided into fragments, after each blogger shared their experiences and opinions.
Household chores
“Keep money and other valuables with your mother, do not eat or drink without her permission, as much as you can — be her helpers in household chores, give her support.”
Chulpan Galiakhmetova.
“The time is different now. And the children are different. I say: here's a dishwasher, a vacuum cleaner, if you own it, that's enough. And in your time, it will be the time of assistants. I'm not in favour of them walking around with a rag. On the other hand, I knew a family, their daughter didn't do anything around the house. Got married — invited for lunch!
Ramzia Galimova:
“For me, it's a problem that children don't do household chores. I recently had a conversation. My daughter is 8 years old, we got up in the morning, she did not make up the bed. Of course, I didn't want to start a conversation, they say, when I was your age... But I said: don't be upset, my daughter, but what good are you to society? We all do something, I cook food (sometimes), earn money, we buy you things. But you don't make the bed. And she finally replied, “Really, I should be useful.”
The most important thing is the atmosphere at home
“Kindness to everyone who is at home is the most important thing from the point of view of Sharia. For this reason, be polite and kind to those who are in your home. If the people in the family are happy, you will be happy too.”
Lilia Galiakhmetova:
“The husband, when he goes to work, tells the children — if mom isn't in a good mood when she returns, it's your fault.
Aygul Timer:
“I have such a rule: as you treat me, I treat you the same way. If you ask me three times, I will also respond in response.
Chulpan Galiakhmetova:
“The service sector is now developed. I tell the children: we are doing repairs, communicate with these people with respect. They work too. After that, I invited them to drink tea. The children asked why, it's a service, isn't it? But they did a beautiful renovation!
Behind seven locks
“Don't tell family secrets to outsiders!”
Chulpan Galiakhmetova:
“Children go to their grandmothers and tell them everything. And I told them: don't tell your grandmother what you heard at home. That's how they told her: mom doesn't allow us to tell household secrets!
Aygul Timer:
“It is believed that we, as bloggers, tell everything. But this is not the case, we do everything very carefully. This is especially true for money.
Ramzia Galimova:
“Yes, yes, they tell everything, they also exaggerate. Then mom asks me. And the daughter answers: but this is also my family, I have no secrets from my family!
We do not quarrel with relatives
“There are children who, after the death of their father, will quarrel with relatives about the division of property, be rude to each other, waste precious time and money, hurt their brothers and sisters, enrich others, and therefore will be unhappy, dishonour the names of their fathers and mothers, and expose their families and childbirth to ridicule.”
Ramzia Galimova:
“We have been brought up since childhood: do not quarrel with our relatives. After all, sometimes things start happening. This should be instilled from childhood. This should be taken as a testament.
Lilia Galiakhmetova:
“Why is this happening? Envy, selfishness, and most importantly — there is no religious knowledge, where everything has been prescribed for a long time, how property is divided.
Aygul Timer:
“I come from a small village. It's getting empty. Someone sells a house, someone takes it for themselves and does not let relatives in. It seems to me that such things should be legally fixed from the very beginning. Because even adequate families quarrel over this.
Ramzia Galimova:
“My mother always said: let your relative live better than you. I didn't understand it before. But if a relative lives better, then his problems don't fall on you. And if he has joy, then we should rejoice together.