‘Stalkers are the same alcoholics or drug addicts’: psychologist on State Duma’s idea to impose punishment for stalking

“He let me know about his spying”

Stalking is a secret spying on a person, which most often occurs on the Internet, but can also spread to real life. Madina Kim, a psychologist in private practice, told about this in the conversation with a correspondent of Realnoe Vremya.

“Firstly, stalking is dangerous because it can have absolutely unpredictable consequences. Secondly, it is a background violation of the victim's personal boundaries, a lack of a basic sense of security, emotional autonomy and a background sense of threat. For the victim, such actions will be perceived as a threat at a basic level," she stressed.

Constant feelings of anxiety and threat can lead to panic attacks, anxiety disorder and physiological consequences, the psychologist explained, which is harmful to humans.

“In the case of stalking, the victim has no opportunity to relax, there is no opportunity to act freely. All their actions will be accompanied by an eye: “Won't the stalker find out about this? Are they using the information against me?" Kim believes.

The psychologist confessed: she was also a victim of stalking once. According to her, the man was guarding her at the entrance, watching the activities on messengers and social networks. Sometimes he would get in touch with Kim and let her know about his spying, voicing the personal information he had found out.

“He made himself known once every few days. I must say that this feeling of being watched really puts you under extreme stress," the speaker shared.

Obsession with someone

As for the stalker themself, their behaviour is associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder, the psychologist believes. Thoughts about the object of stalking become obsessive:

“He has obsessive thoughts about his victim — obsession. Obsession with any person forms the basis of stalking. This happens when there is an over-involvement of a person at the level of dependence.

According to her, most often stalking is accompanied by thoughts that only a stalker can be happy with the victim. Also, stalkers believe that a person should “belong” only to them.

“In fact, stalkers are the same alcoholics or drug addicts who are ready to do anything to get a substance. The mechanism is the same here — it is a strong dependence and obsession, when it seems that only with a specific person it will be possible to close their needs," Kim explained.

She added that the stalker themself has no personal boundaries, “they do not think of themself without their victim”:

“It is always an inner self-doubt, a person lacks inner support. They have no sense of self-importance. They do not follow their own lives, but the life of a person who seems to them more interesting and important than themselves.

However, stalkers are not always people with mental problems. Sometimes the persecutors are those with whom communication was abruptly and unjustifiably “cut off”, the psychologist stressed. For a more complete understanding, she gave an example:

“A guy and a girl communicate closely, and then the guy, without explaining the reasons, disappears from her life. The girl does not understand what happened, and the guy does not make open contact. Then the girl becomes a stalker, because her gestalt is not closed, she does not understand what happened. In this situation, the brain is trying to close this misunderstanding somehow. It seems that the guy then becomes a victim of stalking. But in fact, he is the victim of his own insincere and unconscious behaviour, when he did not bother to indicate his intentions, feelings and motives towards another person.

At the same time, according to the speaker, stalking is not always accompanied by a physical threat. Psychopaths and maniacs, whose psychological portraits differ from the portrait of the persecutor, are prone to violence. An aggressive person “does not have enough stamina” for stalking, and they will initially use violence to the victim in one form or another, the interlocutor of the publication believes. Stalkers, in turn, are sometimes afraid to make contact with the object of surveillance themselves.

“Pure stalkers, if they do not have signs of a psychopath or a maniac, are safe on a physical level. But the line between the mental and physical level is very thin. The constant feeling of anxiety in the victim will in any case lead to a deterioration in physical health. This condition can result in chronic fatigue, sleep problems, and a violation of general well-being: dizziness, weakness, and so on," Kim stressed.

“I ask you to stop”

To recognise stalking and take further action, you need to know about its signs. The psychologist attributed the following to the main signs of stalking:

• persistent attention to the victim;

• attention to the details of private life. The victim discovers that the stalker knows more about him or her than he or she realised;

• covert shooting. Victims see their own photos, which they did not know existed;

• stalking on social networks. Stalker instantly reacts to new publications: puts likes, comments, reposts;

• spying;

• spreading fake information about the victim;

• unsolicited gifts.

“Yes, giving gifts is normal, reacting to publications is normal, wanting to communicate with a person is also normal," said the psychologist. “The difference is that when stalking, victims themselves do not want this attention. There are situations when a person openly talks about the desire to stop communicating and explains their motives. Stalking is when, even after such phrases, the future stalker does not distance him or herself, but seems to be trying to get closer even more.

Speaking about how the victim can stop stalking, the speaker advised to enter into an open dialogue with the stalker. It is necessary to convey to them that such attention is unpleasant for the object of surveillance:

“The victim's safety measures include a direct message about themselves and their feelings: “I don't like what you're doing. I'm asking you to stop.” Such direct messages are a good prevention. You need to ask the stalker not to follow you anymore. It doesn't have to be a personal contact, you can just write a message.

If stalking has not stopped after a direct request, you need to warn the stalker of your intention to contact law enforcement agencies. If this does not help either, you need to contact the police.

The speaker insisted that people faced with such a problem should seek help from a psychologist.

“The idea is not effective enough”

Meanwhile, to combat the problem, the State Duma proposed to introduce fines for stalking. The draft proposes to supplement the Administrative Code with Article 5.612 “Persecution”.

According to this article, the systematic commission by a citizen of actions aimed at causing moral suffering to another citizen, if these actions do not constitute a criminal offense, entails a warning or a fine in the amount of 2,000 rubles.

If the persecution was committed using the Internet and other information and telecommunication networks, it is proposed to impose a fine of 3,000 rubles. Repeated stalking may result in administrative arrest for up to 15 days.

According to Madina Kim, such a measure will lead to stalkers reporting themselves less. In this case, the victim may remain more calm, since they will not know about spying.

“But I think the idea is not effective enough," the speaker believes. “It is unlikely that it will be fully applied, it is unlikely that victims of stalking will contact the police with their problems. I think people will only apply if a stalker is already threatening their lives.”

It is necessary to fight stalking on a global level, the psychologist added. It requires a “more conscious society, aware of their own and others' personal boundaries” to eliminate the problem. In her opinion, there is no such society anywhere yet.

“Nevertheless, it is good that the State Duma has paid attention to this problem. It's good that stalking is still being discussed at the state level. I think this is the first step towards some changes," the speaker summed up.